Tuesdays with Jason

Jason is my best friend. He keeps things positive, upbeat, and always interesting. I present, a collection of recent Jason Quotes:

• "It's like I spend my whole life putting you back together, and then your parents come along and say stuff like 'Do you have edema?'"
• "This smells like the Butt of Ages."
• "When California legalized fruit-human marriages, Stan gave the pineapple a hearty smooch." 
• When asked why we are only 2nd degree contacts on LinkedIn.com, "Because we don't have enough sex."
• "Until this very moment, I didn't know what you meant either."
• "Apparently other people have different ideas of what a college party would entails." 
• "I bought them toys- I'm such a bad father!"