The Motherhood Dichotomy

   My mother has never forgiven herself for going to work when I was a child. She wasn’t a bad mom. I was well into school, 3 of my siblings were old enough to be babysitting, and I learned cherished values that I wouldn’t have any other way. But she still carries a regret that I’ve done my share of lifting since I announced I wanted to go to school. It’s a catch 22 that mothers throughout society face: mothers who choose to stay at home are made to feel unappreciated and underachieving, while mothers who choose (or have) to go to work are made to feel guilty. But we all agree that what is good for one family may not be right for another. And yet society places judgment, regardless of the decision. It’s a simple, yet stark conclusion: women are not trusted to decide for themselves what is best for them and their families.  Think about it.
   I think the dichotomy is highlighted by the political blowout from strategist Hillary Rosen’s comments about Ann Romney. The comments were untrue and uncalled for. But the circumstances of Ms. Romney’s choice to stay home stands as a blaring reminder of how many women in the country cannot make that choice. What’s more interesting, during his tenure in office, Mitt Romney tried to increase the required hours worked outside the home in order to receive state childcare reimbursement (a program I think is bass ackwards, but maybe later). In his words, he was trying to “Afford women the dignity of work.” So if you’re rich like Ann, you can take pride in spending all your time with your children, even as they’ve grown. But if you’re poor, there is no dignity in being a mother. Think about it.
    I made the decision before I had children, that when I had them I’d stay at home with them as long as they were in the home. I made my decision based on solid sociological and psychological studies, and my personal interpretations of such. There were hard times where I felt it would be better for the family’s wellbeing if I were able to help with the income - but the ultimate cost of child care, monetarily and emotionally, would have been more than my uneducated self could make. That’s messed up. We made it work out, and I was able to stay at home, but there were plenty of times I was made out to feel unappreciated and two-dimensional. That’s messed up. Now may children have grown beyond this sphere, and I have too. We’re ready to branch out and grow in ways only the village can supply. I’m doing what is best for my family, but there’s always someone, somewhere who wants to cast judgment over that choice. That’s messed up.
Being a mother is awesome.
Being a mother deserves options.
Being a mother deserves respect. 

Little by Little, One Travels Far

"I am looking for someone to share in an adventure that I am arranging, and it's very difficult to find anyone." 

-Gandalf, The Hobbit

This has been a season of change, and a much needed one at that. We've been doing what we can to shake things up and get a new prospect on life. It's kind of amazing the things that it's leading to.

Have you ever tried to make new friends as an adult? Ever tried doing it without having school or a formal job? It's not easy. Jason observed the other day that we are in an awkward position too, because we're a little too punk-kid-like to relate much to the play-date parents, but a little to parental to relate much to the punk-kids around here. That's something they don't tell you about when you start a family young.
So the other night I decided to Google Cambridge/Boston writing groups and got a bunch of results from a website I was only briefly acquainted with- www.meetup.com. What a little gem this is! I type in a hand full of interests, and I'm given a list of respective groups and when they're meeting! By the end of the night I had joined three local groups and scheduled to meet the New Wave: Young Boston Feminists at the Wild & Scenic Film Festival!
We watched Taking Root: The Vision of Wangari Maathai. It was inspiring and fascinating. To think, so much could be done in one country, starting with simply planting trees! One of my favorite scenes was of current military officers planting trees around their compounds. I think that army leaders around he world could take a lesson from that.
I met a great couple of women, one of whom, Daryl, I was delighted to find several commonalities with. I also learned that she writes for Empower Dalit Women of Nepal , which happens to need more copywriter help right now! I'm meeting with the president of the organization this Wednesday.
For the next New Wave meeting I'm going to, we're discussing the book Full Frontal Feminism: A Young Woman's Guide to Why Feminism Matters.

I guess the moral of the story is that the momentum from making one thing happen is bound to start other things happening too!

Feminine Proposal

I had an interesting question posed to me the other day: What does Feminism mean to you? I answered as follows:

To me, Feminism is about the individual skills, talents, perspectives, and needs each person brings to the community, and their rights as human beings to contribute to and receive from the community with equality and justice. It's about celebrating my identity and others' as a women, combined with all we are as individuals, and ultimately the unique yet common creatures we are. To me Feminism is as much about you and me as human siblings, as it is about being a woman.


So now I'm asking the same, What does Feminism mean to you?