Do you think that if you want something hard enough, that it will happen, or is that just for the rare few? Even the seemingly impossible? The pipe-dreams?
I've been designing my own knit pieces, more or less, for some time now. Trusted friends and passing acquaintances alike have been complimentary, even asking if I sell and flatly declaring that I should. I haven't gotten to the point of publishing or selling them for one reason or another; frankly, I think being a chicken has been a big factor. But I'm at a point where I have, literally, nothing to lose, and I want it bad enough that I have to try.
The truth is that we can't stay in this apartment. We don't have the money. We've know we have to find a new place for a long time, but as all of the new job leads dried up we burned through our down-payment money. Jason's been doing what he can to find freelance while applying for permanent positions, but it isn't enough. I've been out of the workforce for 5 years raising our two kids, but that's been foundational to our parenting philosophies. Throw in child care costs, education, so much more, it just gets wicked complicated.
I was lying in bed the other night, wide awake between 3:30 and 4:00 AM trying to figure out what to do. I had/have to do something. Yarn wasn't even in my mental slide show when, suddenly, a design for a hat from start to finish slams my brain! It was too good- I couldn't not try. Anyway, I would love it and wear it constantly. I've been aching for good hats to wear without overheating, as my hair is growing to unmanageable lengths- for me, that is.
I was walking home from Washington Street the other day, looking at the ivy and dogwood trees in front of brownstone townhouses, wanting so badly to have a place of our own like that- not somewhere to stay till the lease is up and cheaper rent comes along. Not somewhere to stay until the kids are too old to share a room. Somewhere they can grow up. I started to get the determined, almost defiant feeling I get when I isolate what it is I want, and decide that I'm going to do it- I'm going to do whatever I can do to make it happen. It's the fuel that got us to Boston, and it's the sole cause of anything else I've ever done that's worth noting. So here it is. Let's do this. I'm ready.